a whinge about sleep. wonder weeks. growth spurts and regressions. fail.

June 14, 2013

^^ Part of our big girl's bedtime rhythm.

I know that babies struggle to sleep. They have different cycles from us. Are all different. Sometimes just need to be held. Go through developmental spurts of growth and new skills that make it difficult impossible for them to sleep.

Thing is, Poppy seems to be having these weeks and spurts and regressions back to back to back to back.

I am exhausted. I have not had more than 2 hours of consecutive sleep in months. My head aches and my patience is suffering. I am trying to wait it out. Hoping it will pass.

As it is, she wakes every 2 hours at night (sometimes she throws in a random 4!), sometimes not going down til after 9 and then crying if we try and put her in her hammock, Cot? Don't even think about it.

I feed her to sleep (fail), pick her up as soon as she is upset (fail?), bring her to bed when she won't settle quickly (we have a king single we bought and pushed against the queen in our room because of this- fail) In the day, she WILL NOT sleep in a bed without someone holding her (fail). In the car, ergo or pram for a short sleep cycle (fail).

It leaves me wondering if I set this up....have I failed her? Will she be an insomniac adult searching for someone to hold her {I joke, kinda)

She doesn't want to sleep or settle alone. But I don't make her. We are busy getting out with a toddler so she sleeps on the run.  At 4.5 months, is this all normal? Have I made a monster?

I know I should be soaking it up and all that but I seem to only be soaking up coffee and arm pains.

Did your little one have sleep issues, did it change suddenly with age?

♡ the mombie


  1. it's so tough isn't it. sleep deprivation is the pits.

    we took very different approaches with our kids. . . which has made me realise it makes little difference what we do. they are either 'good' sleepers, or not.

    with aila we did the whole rigid sleep routine, followed all the 'rules' even resorted to controlled crying. she woke nearly every night until she turned 5. then just like that, has slept through ever since.

    elliot slept in my bed from birth until he turned 2. fed to sleep. he still wakes most nights.

    ... and now we get to do it all again with oscar!

    please don't beat yourself up. do what ever works to get you through.

    rachel xo

  2. I feel for you! I've been there with both my little girls.

    Both had colic. Both couldn't be put down at all (seriously) for the first six months without screaming the house down. Both woke two hourly for the first year (I'm not kidding). Both took forever to go to sleep every night.

    I was so sure I'd get a sleeper second time round ;)

    In both cases, my health prompted me to seek help at around 14 months. My friend (an ex colleague) helped out with getting my little ones to sleep. We used gentle methods...slowly...and it worked. Both girls sleep well now. Mind you, they wake VERY early. But I'm ok with that!

    I have a friend with triplets...she does the same thing with all three: one sleeps through, another wakes twice a night and another wakes two hourly. It just goes to show that sometimes it's about temperament instead of what we do.

    Be very gentle on yourself Ashley. It's wonderful but it's not easy either.


    PS. We are about to start building down your way :)

  3. As you said, babies has this different way of sleeping, and all around the world, for all the human existence till what? a pair of centuries in some territories? babies have ever slept in contact with adults. Babies are indefense and need the security contact with an adult to sleep. It's not bad, they are not becaming insecure adults, they are not having insonmia problems, they are normal babies.
    Think for a moment, imagine there is a dissaster, an earthquake, your house no longer exists, where did you left your baby for sleeping time?, On the ground a few meters from you or in your arms or the closer you could? Babies don't know they live in our secure world, they are only babies doing what they need to survive. Some of them addapts to sleep alone, but others don't, and everything is ok.

    Make what works better for you, but don't feel guilty.

    I have three kids (7 years, 4years, 6 months) first one slept in her crib separate from us till 6 months, she slept all night long till this age, then she started to awake every hour or so. I decided to sleep with her. She continued awaking for a time, but the only thing I had to do was turning and nursing her. It makes a huge difference! From then to now she passes throu lots of phases from all night long till every hour awaking.
    Second one had these phases too, but with less differences between them, she always awakes at least once or two times per nirght. We slept with her from the first time out of my belly.

    Last year, with 3 and 6 years we pass them to a room together. They choose to sleep together in the same bed, and they continues to sleep all night long.

    My baby is sleeping with me too, I do not consider another way since I experimented this. I don't know how many times does he awake every night, he is at my side, i hear him and nurse at first sign and both continue sleeping. It makes a huge difference in the morning if i had to get up every time, try to sleep him and in the moment I had to put him down he awakes again (i know haw it goes, I experinced this with my first, It's exhausting).

    You are a good mum, only try to do what works better for your family. Mums tend to feel guilty for everything, but life happens, you are not the reason.

    I wish you could read this article I read recently from a spanish psichologist http://iboneolza.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/dormid-con-ellos-receta-de-psiquiatra-infantil/
    and the study she talk about http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21802659.

    PS: I'll tell you a secret, I'm an adult and I prefer sleeping with company too ;)

  4. Oh Ashley, you poor darlin. You have definitely NOT failed your lovely girl. She's just a tiny baby trying to work it all out. It's brutal, granted, but please don't feel like you're alone or doing anything other than the best for your bub. I am crossing my fingers for you, hoping that you get some solid sleep asap. And can I just add that going from 1 to 2 children is the hardest thing I have ever done. You're chartering some seriously rough waters right now hun, be kind to yourself when you can xoxo

  5. Oh no..you poor thing. I think this will pass. I know it will.

  6. Dear Ashley,

    I found the first year the toughest as a parent. You quickly realise that you have sooooo much to learn.

    You are being way too hard on yourself. Your little one is only 4.5months old. You haven't failed.

    There is so much information out there about sleep - I guess you have to choose what is right for you and your family.

    The first question you really have to ask yourself is 'how big of a problem is it for you?' If it's just annoying, then wait it out, if it's becoming a real issue, then you are ready to make those changes.

    There are lots of books you can read if that is your sort of thing. The best one I read is "The Sleep Sense Program" by Dana Obleman. You can call Ngala for advice - or you can contact someone like me. I'm a child sleep consultant right here in Perth.

    Check out my page www.sleepytime.net.au if you want more info.

    Take care and keep positive. Keep reminding yourself that you are a wonderful mum !

    Janelle Jeffery

  7. Quinn was my hard baby, especially with sleep. Your situation sounds very much like ours was. I did have to lay with him to fall asleep until he was about two, it was utterly exhausting for me. i agree with rachel they are either good sleepers or not.

    Scout slept beautifully for the first four months and now wakes about four times though out the night. i am blaming it on my milk, for some reason i feel like it is just not hearty enough to keep him down. ???

    i hope we both get some good rest soon…a dream would be lovely.


  8. I really feel for you as I remember that feeling of 'I can't keep doing what I'm doing' when Sophie was still so unsettled as a little bub. There is no right answer or right way to do things. You have to do what works for your and your girls and your family. Remember to ask for help when you need it, to be kind to yourself and to know that things will get better eventually. Big hugs xx



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